Comments for A shelter is what the people in it choose to make of it :) 6/6/10

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Aug 08, 2015
Asma Ali NEW
by: Anonymous

What is domestic violence? how can we survive from that issue as well. That blog will provide positive information about how to prevent from mental abuse and emotional abuse as well. Get assignment writing service via our official educational network, for any other query and information, contact with our support team.

Jun 14, 2015
update NEW
by: Jane Doe

I am not ashamed anymore, and I am not going to hide anymore. I have a long ways to go but I am going through a healthy healing process. I keep pushing forward to better my life. Is there a cure for PTSD? You know what, I'm not sure, but if there is I'm going to do everything I can to over come it. Who in their right mind get's mental health 8x a month for their PTSD? Me..I'm sick of it, I want to be cured so I can get back to what I do best, serving others. Maybe I can save a life of one woman, by telling my story. Or perhaps several families. Maybe I can come up with solutions that nobody else has come up with. What I'd really like to do is fix myself so I can open up a proper domestic violence shelter. I've been to over half of the ones that exist in Washington State. There are some good ones, yes. But there are a ton of holes in the system, and I intend to patch as many holes up as I possibly can. Advocates really seem to make or break a DV shelter. I went to a place called safe place, on 2 different instances. The first time it was top notch staff, the second time, not so good. I intend on handpicking the best staff that I can find.

I remember making up lies like how i bruise easily or was a complete clutz. I tried to cover my bruises up but they were literly head to toe. Some people believed my lies, Some looked at me funny like I was crazy or something...Try explaining why there are someone's fingerprints on your arms. Ohhh, the stories I came up with. Sometimes I convienced myself that my own lies were true, just to survive without completely losing my mind.

It took me a long time, I kept in that vicious violent cycle of abuse. Not just in relationships but in friendships too. I had no clue what normal even was. I knew nothing about healthy relationships or boundries. I had people think I was either making it up, trying to get attention, or exaggerating my situation.

Some felt the abuse was my fault because I didn't get away right away. I even had a domestic violence order of protection get dropped, only to be threatened before I could even leave the courthouse, and stalked for almost 3 years. I didn't know how to get away, domestic violence was everywhere I went. I underplayed what was actually going on because I was ashamed and blamed myself for everything.

If only I had just done what I was told? If only I had just kept my big mouth shut. I was beat up mentally, physically, spiritually. When I did try to run away from it I had nothing, I was not getting support from even my own family. I lived in DV shelters all over the place, I lived in my car, and sometimes a motel room by the grace of God .People wonder why we can't stay in a normal homeless shelter with a 100 cots. They don't understand why domestic violence survivors require their own rooms. Well, because of our PTSD and anxiety. Even if I was to fall asleep from exhaustion from one of these places, if someone got near me I would literly be swinging at them with both fists out in my sleep. I gave one of my last boyfriends a black eye from just that. Once in a shelter, a woman tried to steal something out of my pocket when I was asleep and I swung at her in my sleep too. See our reflexes are so sensitive that even in our sleep we are known to defend ourselves. They say you should wait at least 2 years after getting out of a dv relationship before you try dating someone. Really, for some people that number should be 10 years. There's a reason for that. Me I don't know if I will ever get in another relationship again. Quite frankly I am happy with that thought.

3 neck fractures later... Nobody fractures their neck that many times due to accidents, right? The last fracture did really bad nerve damage. I am in cronic pain every single day. I have spasms I can only control with meds. If I take the meds used to control the spasms I am loopy. I am so hipersensitive that sometimes even the slightest touch feels like I am being thrown against the wall.

Now that I am free I spend every day with a smile on my face. I love my son so much and I am just happy to be his full time mom and love and protect him like a mother should. He is the best son a mom could ever ask for. He is patient, he is kind, he is thoughtful, and though he can be really anoying at times with all of his nerdy technology talk, I would not change him for anything in the world.

The funny thing about PTSD, even after it's over our abusers still control us. One little incident that can last 30 seconds in a normal persons day can last days, weeks, months, and even years. It's like a replay from a really bad horror movie, only the echos seem to last forever.

I am here today to let everyone know that my son and I have been completely free of domestic violence for the last year and a half, and we are healing very well. My son is now a straight A student. He smiles, and touches everyone's life that gets near him. My ex husband signed over official custody papers this week. My son has been living with me without any child support for the last year and a half. I never really cared about the money, but the thought that he can't yank him away from me at will anymore, it's a huge relief.

I just thought you guys would like to hear the good news and know, that there is a way out and not to give up.

Jun 09, 2010
by: Pat

I really liked your post. One of the hardest things, I think for the women and kids in the d.v. shelter where I volunteer is that the atmosphere changes as the population does. Sometimes you get a friendly, cooperative group who follow rules and support each other and then two month later, there's a group with more discension, more mess, and occasionally, people getting kicked out for a serious problem. The kids at the shelter reflect these experiences, too.

Good luck to you in your journey toward your self.


Jun 07, 2010
by: Jennasy

I am very glad to see Jane that you are recognizing this. A shelter program is available to help provide support and temporary housing. Unfortunately, residents don't get to pick and choose who their neighbors will be. The important thing is that you are working on your program, and becoming more able to say out loud what your needs are, and to recognize that your voice is important.

I want you to know that I have seen your growth begin to blossom. This is the purpose of The New You program. To help you recognize within yourself your needs, and how to get them met. To learn about specific factors in your recovery that will remain pertinent to your whole survivorship for the rest of your life.

Seeds being planted is our role in The New You. The participant then chooses whether or not she will nurture that seed by watering it, and taking care of it as you are now taking care of you.

I am blessed to know you Jane, and I hope that no matter what you know you come to this site with your thoughts, and content you would like to share with others.

Jennasy :)

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