How My 'Picker' Got Broken

by Jenny
(Olympia, WA USA)

I believe we are all raised by our families in ways that affect our ability to 'pick' the right relationships. My family raised me to live by the 'Golden Rule', treating others as I wished to be treated. A great teaching! Unfortunately I was also taught by my very loving father that "Everyone is really good at heart". This well-intentioned(but unrealistic) belief led me to assume my first husband shared my values,and deep-down wanted the good things I did, such as fidelity, and a stable family life. He was not 'abusive', just had a desire for many other women! When that marriage finally ended, this same 'good at heart' belief led me to assume husband # 2 shared my vision of a healthy relationship. It led me to ignor some red flags, minimize and cover up the on-going abuse and stay in a marriage that should have ended after the first week!

Another factor that extended the time spent in this relationship was my own self-pride. My family respected him and were all so happy we married that I could not bring myself to let them know what a mistake I had made. Only my older brother and sister-in-law knew because I stayed with them every time I flew back to Seattle in my attempts to leave. My 'broken picker' as usual proded me to forgive and try again whenever he would call, sobbing and begging for another chance. The last time this happened he even got the church Pastor to call and plead his case!

The final breaking point came when he started to physically abuse my 14 year old daughter.

Enough was finally enough! Is there a happy ending? I will write about that in the ESCAPED section. :)

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I blame it on the picker!

by Jenny
(Olympia, WA USA)

I never believed I was the cause of the abuse, but my pride kept me from facing the reality for more than four years.

I never thought my picker was so broken that I would make another bad choice two years after my divorce from my first marriage!

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